Priorities: Phase II

One week down on the new priority system, and I'm still feeling cautiously optimistic. There are so many things that seemingly must be done, and so very many more that I want to do! How to make it all fit...that is the question. The sad discovery is that no matter how hard I try, it just won't all fit into one day or even one week. The good news is, that with my new system, the things I'm getting done are important things, and I'm accomplishing lots of the big ones!

My list of important things includes 8 broad categories: Jesus, relationship time, teaching, work (housework, etc.), relaxation time, grooming (ugh! I begrudge all the time showering, hair, and makeup require!), exercise, and oh yes, blogging. These are broad categories, but they basically sum up my life. This way I can keep track mentally. I pick the main focus points the night before, or even that morning. Then I don't feel guilty about the things I'm not getting to that day. I just feel good about the things that are happening.

Layni is the main thing in my teaching category. The older kids don't require nearly as much teaching time any more. Within that category, I've had to think in terms of the "big 3." I try to get these in every day. The rest is gravy! These 3 consist of therapy (occupational, 30 minutes, twice a day), learning to read, and piano practice. My reasons for focusing on these 3? First, the therapy is building a foundation that will make everything else easier. Second, being able to read will allow her the independence to do a myriad of other things. Lastly, piano has mathematical and therapy benefits, and even more importantly, if you're paying for piano lessons, you need to practice every day, besides to the fact that Layni doesn't cram well. Hence, the "Big 3." All that being said, I feel obligated to mention that I'm not including scheduled events. They happen without extra planning. I teach a group of four little girls language arts two full mornings a week, and we make a concerted effort to get math done as well, so no alarm that she's not getting educated, and the big girls have quite a few co-op classes :). I'd just forgotten that first grade takes so much "me" time!

Each day the priority list looks different. If, for example, I tried to do a full Bible Study, exercise, and shower/makeup, it would take somewhere near 3 hours including breakfast. All before my day even begins. Is that unbelievable, or what?! Some mornings, therefore, exercise wins over grooming, and I stay grubby all day, but with that healthy glow! Some mornings, relationship time gets combined with exercise, meeting special friends at the gym. Those are great mornings. Two for one, gotta love it. Occasionally I do all three, and Layni and I start school late. As long as it stays generally balanced, I feel like I'm winning.

The main reason for a priority list is to ensure that I'll stay focused, on track, and being a responsible steward of the many gifts with which I've been blessed.

Hopefully this is helpful and stirs some creative thought! How do you prioritize and accomplish everything on your list?

Priorities: Phase I

Lately, I have devoted quite a bit of time to pondering why I am always struggling to feel a sense of accomplishment in my day. Time management, a term I am allergic to, is a chronic struggle for me. I prefer to live life as a free spirit, not tied down to a schedule. I detest doing the same thing at the same time every single day. In fact, when I wake up in the morning, what charges my battery and puts a smile on my face is thinking "What about this particular day is different?". All that being said, however, free spirits like me don't really seem to finish anything particularly well. Sad, but true! The path of my life is littered with great beginnings, but few of them are brought to completion. As my friend Kim at workstrategically.com tells me, I need to "Change my thinking to change my life." That has been my back-burner priority for the last few weeks.

What emerged as a result of said pondering was a totally new thought. Perhaps I have been coming at this process from the wrong end... I am an expander, not a condenser. I am a divergent thinker, not a convergent thinker. Hmmm... If too many details overwhelm me, and I have discovered that I only need, and in fact, I prefer only a few key things to fire my jets (the operative word here being few), then maybe making a complete schedule of my days is not the best way to ensure that my time is productive. This was a brand new twist on a very old topic in my world!

I feel confident someone else could have arrived far more quickly at my revelation, but for me this epiphany seems perfectly marvelous. I decided to simply make a list of the very most important things in my life that I want to make time for. Broad headings, not too much detail. Then, each night, create a general mental sketch of which ones I would fit into tomorrow. All of this I can hold in my mind. If a pencil needs to be involved, you can rest assured: this plan is on its' way to the graveyard! So far? Revolutionary! It's working! I am cautiously thrilled!

In my next post, I will enlighten you specifically and fill you in the goals & the experiment!

...Stay tuned for Phase II...

Who's in Charge Here, Anyway?

Today it hit me that perhaps an unhappy change crept into our family dynamics while I was not paying attention. #1 son, whom we refer to in our household simply as "The Boy" set a precedent in our household in recent years. This is not an unusual event at all, in fact, it seems he sets all the precedents. This one, however, caught me by surprise.

I spend so much time with my now 18 year old, that I seem to have forgotten that the "darlings" as we call them, are not yet 18 themselves. Below is the sad tale of how this was impressed upon my consciousness.

We travel roughly 45 minutes for tennis lessons on Monday afternoons, which becomes Monday evening by the time we finish. Normally I like to rush directly home to prepare dinner and begin one of our family nights which includes the reading aloud of what is now, I believe, our 8th sequential Tarzan book. (They are fabulous and the entire family enjoys them, Dad included!) We have, however, become somewhat desperate for a Target run, along with another quick errand which could only be accomplished in that city. So, knowing this would put a major hitch in my already tight schedule, and leave Dad home alone wandering aimlessly in a too-quiet house, we set out on our expedition anyway.

I had "hurry" on the agenda, but somehow this message did not transmit itself to the darlings. They were overflowing with their own agendas: cosmetics and bathing suits. I heard their longings, and believing myself to be a generous, thoughtful and benevolent mother, I encouraged them to peruse the bathing suit section thoroughly while I acquired all our little necessaries. When I returned, ready to make a run for the checkout, what should I find but pleading eyes, tales of desperation, and woes of depleted sizes. They simply must try on the few remaining cute suits before they disappear, and of course, they need them before Saturday! In retrospect, these are all perfectly logical concerns, but to a harried mom in speed-mode this is not a welcome surprise!

This is where, perhaps, all my great parenting flew out the window. If these children were 5 years old, I would not have hesitated. I am the mom, and I set the agenda; I am confident! We must do this another time. To these young teenagers, however, I seem to have given a disproportionate amount of influence, and consequently, I grudgingly give way, and we schlep back to the dressing room with my mood deteriorating with each step as I clock the minutes...

After a drawn out fashion show, one of the darlings is happy and the other, disappointed as we check out. To add insult to injury, my quick errand to Target has cost me a cool hundred dollars. Ugh! When finally we can leave, my darlings remind me that their triumph will be complete when the begged for "Mocha Joe's" are duly purchased and consumed- another ten minutes of painstaking delay. I am now finding it difficult to be civil.

The ride home was quiet except for the chattering of the baby and the slurping of the Mocha Joe's. I mentally plan the quickest meal we have on hand, and try to keep my mouth shut. My silent musings led me to check the motives of my heart. Whose best interests am I truly seeking? The painful conclusion of this introspection reveals that I am actually desiring the approval of my kids and my husband. Never mind what is best for them, what is best for the family, what is the right decision. I'm just concerned they won't be happy with me!

It occurs to me that what I'm really doing is patronizing and insulting to them. They are big girls, and are old enough to want to contribute to our family in every way possible. I do them a disservice every time I give in to an ill-timed whim which detracts from the overall good of the family. If I had taken a moment to explain the situation fully and plan a time to return when we could enjoy the process, think how joyful the shopping experience could have been! I cheated us all out of that joy by taking what seemed to be the path of least resistance. That is not the path I set out to follow. I guess we all catch ourselves asleep at the wheel every so often, eh?

The good news, and there is always good news, is that through this very minute crisis I have had my eyes opened, and will henceforth commit to remember that I am the parent, and not a contestant in a popularity contest, and that real love is not demonstrated by giving in to every desire a child displays at the moment they voice them, no matter how old that child may be!

Will you pray for me in this?

How may I pray for you?